Oh, The Holiday Season Is Upon Us!

I am not good at this whole holiday season thing, admittedly. I don’t have people to celebrate with, and the thought of stepping into any store, grocery store included, makes me swell up with hives the size of tree ornaments. Take that, holiday weight gain! I’ll be so svelte by my aversion to holiday shopping you won’t even be able to see me by the new year! On second thought, that sounds miserable. Please send cookies. Lots and lots of delicious, frosted, calorie-rific cookies! (Also accepting: chocolate cake and apple pie donations.)

Holiday music gives me migraines as often as not, and those made-for-t.v. holiday movies make me supes weepy, even as I am yelling at the t.v. about the predictably nice (and boring) female characters and the implausible plot lines. Wait – don’t all beautiful women discover they’re being courted by a prince-in-disguise of some unheard of European utopia who snuck into the States to meet himself an all-American to-be princess? No?? Well, there goes that fantasy, Crushers-of-Dreams.

In any case, last year I decided at the last minute that I was going to throw out my dreaded notion of “holiday” and give it a shot just me and the kitten-monsters (And, wine. Lots of wine!). Sure, my haphazardly thrown together Christmas tree was a joke (picture the most sparsely decorated Charlie-Brown tree on the planet). Sure, the cats weren’t much for conversation beyond demanding to be fed at all-too-frequent intervals (little bossy bastards!). But, no stress, no drama, and most importantly, no disappointment about the day not fitting into the cookie-cutter image of “holiday” we’ve all been told we must have lest we be deemed recluses and misfits.

Well, I for one am embracing misfit this year. I bought myself a big ol’ tree that I’ve already pulled out of the box. Yes, I see I am desperately in need of another string of lights so it will really sparkle, but my new tree skirt is absolutely lovely. In true loner fashion, there won’t be any presents to put under the tree, but hey, the kittens need someplace to misbehave out of my direct line of sight and trees provide the perfect cover. It’s still a substantial improvement over last year, when they foolhardily thought they were small enough to climb said teeny two-foot tree and subsequently managed to ride it as it crashed to the ground multiple times in a delightful display of flying ornaments galore. Thanks to them I didn’t have to decorate the tree just once; I had multiple opportunities to enjoy the experience and to hone my decorating skills.

So, in lieu of being lonely this season, I am going to revel in being alone to do whatever I want, and to enjoy the holidays however I want! And, it might just turn out to be the best holiday season yet. That is, with cookies. Don’t forget to send the cookies!

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