*I want to start off by saying that I am writing this post somewhat tongue-in-cheek, because as much as anyone, I do understand that I am actually very lucky to have a job that pays the bills. I haven’t been able to say that always, so despite my grousing, and despite my very real hard feelings towards the people who mistreat me at my place of employment, I am (over)fed, clothed, and housed, and all thanks to this (not-my-dream-job) job.
That said – Happy Lear Year day everybody!
Or, as the rest of us schleps call it – the suckiest Monday you can get day. Not only are we working, but we are working for free today! And, who doesn’t love their day jobs that much? (Sigh.)
Every Leap Year my lovely place of employment sends all its employees this creepily chipper e-mail explaining why our bi-weekly paychecks will be less than they were last year. For the entire year. You see, they’re not reducing our actual salary, they’re simply spreading it out over this whole pesky extra workday due to the Leap Year.
What’s highly hilarious is what they aren’t saying, and how ridiculously careful they are to not say it. Things like please, please, please don’t read between the lines! Please don’t figure it out that that actually means you are working one whole extra day than you did last year for the same lousy salary!
I for one, would appreciate it if they were just honest with us. I’ve got four more years to wait, but I’m thinking the next e-mail should look something more like this:
We know you didn’t even get a nominal cost-of-living increase in your paychecks this year, as always, but we’ve got even worse news for you.
This year you’re totally fucked, because you also have to put in one whole extra day of work for that same shit pay we’ve been giving you for ten years, and so it actually IS a reduced salary no matter how rosily we try to present it. See how that works??
In any case, please don’t ask us any questions about this. Please, just don’t, because all we’ll be able to do is nod at you and smile through gritted teeth, because we too know this is TOTAL bullshit. And, despite this lip service we don’t actually love this crazy job any more than you do. Have you tried the office punch we’ve all been drinking of late?
Your Management Team